A Healthy Relationship with Work

September 16, 2024

As adults, our relationship with work is rather complicated. We pay others who have more expertise, more time, or more willingness to do work that we don’t know or want to do. We invent machines to work for us. We often aim for expediency and efficiency. We value our non-working time, like vacations, personal time, and leisure. We think about retiring early. Recently in history, there has also been a notion that we should find work that is the most fulfilling, makes use of our gifts, and follows through on our passions. 


The Value of Work


However, the truth is that we, as humans, need to work to thrive. Often, we find a sense of purpose, meaning, and connection through work. Those who have retired know how it feels to drop out of the social organization of productive human activity and perhaps wonder about contributing to the community, group, or society. 


We establish our identity through work and, in the process, contribute to a complex web of interdependent activities we share with others. We provide service to others, and this gives us a sense of belonging. What we do to accomplish our purpose in life is our work.


“Joy, feeling one's own value, being appreciated and loved by others, feeling useful and capable of production are all factors of enormous value for the human soul.” – Dr. Maria Montessori, From Childhood to Adolescence


Purposeful Work

 

Appreciating the varied types of work we do in our lives to care for ourselves, to care for others, and to care for our environment, is not something we are particularly practiced at doing in our culture. Yet in Montessori, we prioritize these three pillars: care of self, care of others, and care of our surroundings. We recognize that children gain deep satisfaction through work that has purpose. They want to feel and be useful! 


Work that is purposeful or meaningful comes from an internal drive, while also being connected to the environment and to others, which leads to a sense of responsibility. For our youngest children, this can be as simple as noticing that laundry needs to be folded or that snack needs to be prepared and then wanting to play a role in getting that work done. Older children may feel compelled to share their research or discoveries with classmates. 


Adult Work vs. Children’s Work

 

In her observations of children, Dr. Maria Montessori began to see how the work of adults differs from the work of children. While adults work to minimize effort and make our external environment better meet our needs, children use their environment to develop their internal capacities. Because children’s work is their own development and self-construction, their work doesn’t follow the same patterns, look the same, or have the same outward manifestations as adult work.


More often than not, adults do not recognize children’s work for what it is, which can result in a kind of conflict between adults and children. Often adults try to keep children away from any adult work because children can seem to get in the way.


According to Dr. Montessori, this is primarily due to the complexities created by modern life. There was a time in human history when children’s need to self-construct through their own activities was more naturally and easily met by just being around as adults worked to secure food, build shelters, or make tools. This work was more immediate, concrete, and apparent. Children could observe, explore, imitate, and little by little participate in adult work. 


But the work of modern humans is more complex and abstract, making adults’ work more inaccessible to children and thus making the presence of children often an interruption, distraction, or nuisance. As a result, children are often separated from the everyday work of adult life.

 

The Importance of Self-Construction


By nature, children are compelled to do work that ensures their own development. Children’s work is the work of self-construction. Often this work even feels like play! 


In Montessori, we recognize the fact that children are forming who they will become as adults. Thus, to fully support children’s work of self-construction, we offer children purposeful activities so they can learn how to contribute meaningfully to their communities. Our youngest children slice fruits and vegetables that are served for snack. They arrange flowers to make the classroom more beautiful. They sweep the floor and wipe the tables. As children get older, they take on more responsibilities, from taking care of dishes to answering the phone, to running class meetings to organizing trips. 


Beyond caring for themselves, each other, and the environment, we also help children develop a healthy relationship with intellectual challenges. Because the purpose is self-construction, rather than external rewards, children love to lean into learning. They see mistakes as opportunities for growth. They want to gain mastery. They delight in self-improvement. 


Montessori children grow into adults who understand the value of work in its many forms. To see how this happens, come visit our school! We love to share what we do.


By Katherin Castro Hoyos, Lead Toddler Guide • October 22, 2026
In the Montessori environment, we talk a lot about independence. But how does independence actually develop? How can we, as adults, support a child on this path? One of the first steps toward independence begins with movement. As the child starts to separate from the caregiver physically —moving, crawling, walking, reaching, and exploring— they begin to discover something profound: I can do things by myself. I can reach for something without being carried there. I can move toward what interests me. I can try. But before children can become independent, they depend on us. And the way we relate to them during this period of dependence makes a difference in their journey toward independence. From Doing For the Child to Doing With the Child At the beginning, especially in a toddler classroom, we do things with the child, not for the child. We guide them through each step. We show them how to push their pants down, where to place the diaper when it is wet, how to get water from the sink into a pitcher and how to pour the water, how to touch others gently, how to ask for a hug, and how to respect and accept it when someone does not want a hug. Sometimes we show them once and sometimes we show them what feels like an innumerable number of times! And then, they start doing it by themselves. Isn't this amazing? This is the growth of independence, and alongside independence grows something equally important: self-confidence. Independence Does Not Mean Doing Everything Alone At the same time, being independent does not mean that we no longer need other people. Human beings are interdependent. We rely on one another, learn from one another, and grow through our relationships with one another. Needing someone does not mean that we are incapable. This is one of the beautiful things about the mixed-age Montessori environment. The teachers are not the only ones showing children how to do things. When a child has mastered a skill, we can invite that child to show another child who has not yet mastered it. “Can you show Eli how to clean his nose?” The child will happily help. In that simple interaction, one child is learning a new skill, while the other is experiencing what it feels like to contribute and share knowledge. Both children are growing. This is interdependence: I can do things for myself, and I can also be part of something bigger than myself. Let Them Struggle If we want independence to develop, the child needs opportunities to struggle. Let them struggle when they are trying to put on their socks. Let them attempt to pour the water even when some of it spills. This can be difficult for us as adults because sometimes it is much easier and faster to simply do it for them. We can see the sock is inside out and we know exactly what needs to happen next. But if we always step in before the child has had the opportunity to try, we may unintentionally communicate: You need me to do this for you. Instead, we can practice patience, staying close, observing and offering just enough help for the child to continue. This does not mean leaving a child alone with frustration. It means staying with them without taking over. Sometimes the right amount of help might be showing the movement slowly. We can exaggerate the movement so the child can clearly observe it and begin to internalize it. Sometimes it might be holding the sock open while allowing the child to put their foot inside. Sometimes it might simply be saying, “You can do it. Keep trying.” The Gift of Trying Again Frustration is not necessarily something we need to rescue children from. It is a feeling they can experience, move through, and learn from —with the presence of a supportive adult. When we allow children to experience the difficulty of something while communicating, “I know you can do this”, we give them an opportunity to discover their own competence. And when they finally succeed, no one can take that experience away from them. They have learned something much bigger than how to put on a sock. They have learned: Something can be hard, and I can keep trying. I can ask for help when I need it. I can try again. These experiences become part of the child's developing sense of self. They begin to internalize a sense of competence that will stay with them long after the sock. Independence comes through interdependence, and the beauty of childhood —and of being human— is found in this ongoing dance of holding and letting go, over and over again.
By ToTH Montessori • October 20, 2026
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