Toilet Learning: The Montessori Way

February 10, 2025

The toilet learning process for young children takes time but doesn’t have to feel daunting. Here are some key aspects of toileting the Montessori way.

As parents we quickly learn that children have control over three things: eating, sleeping, and toileting. Rather than engage in power struggles, however, we can help children develop the skills they need to manage and gain mastery over these essential aspects of life. 


In Montessori learning communities, young children learn how to prepare snack, fall asleep without assistance, and dress themselves. In addition, they learn how to control their sphincter and stay dry. This process, which we call “toilet learning" or “toilet awareness” takes time, yet it is a vital part of becoming independent.


Because we are helping children with an important aspect of their independence, we try to avoid the terminology of “toilet training.” After all, we aren’t training our children like we might train a dog! Rather we are helping children feel the success of becoming fully independent as they become masters of their own body functions. 


The process takes time but doesn’t have to feel daunting. Here are some key aspects of toileting the Montessori way.



Establish Body Awareness


Toilet awareness starts at birth. From the earliest days of life, we talk to our infants about what is happening as we change their diapers. We might say, “Your diaper is wet from your urine,” or “I am wiping your poop off your bottom.”


To help our infants and young toddlers to become aware of being wet or soiled, we can begin to use language that helps them to connect their bodily functions with the feeling of having a wet or soiled diaper. 


Useful phrases:

“Does your diaper feel wet or dry? Is there poop in your diaper?” 

“Your pants feel so heavy! You must have had a lot of pee come out.” 

“I see you are squatting down and pushing. Your poop is coming!” 

 


Collaborate 


When a child is wet, we help them to the bathroom and collaborate with changing out of their wet clothing. We allow them to sit on the toilet to see if any urine is left that can be pushed or released into the toilet. Then once they have on dry underwear, they return to their activity.


Children need to feel involved in the toileting and changing process. They can assist in getting the clean pants, underwear or diaper and putting any soiled items in their appropriate place. This gives children the feeling of some power or control in what is happening.


Useful phrases:

“You can hold your shirt up while I pull down your pants.” 

“You can open the Velcro on this side of your diaper and I’ll open the Velcro on that side.” 

“I’ll have a turn to wipe your bottom, and then you can have a turn!”

 


State the Facts 


We are careful to stay matter of fact through the toileting process. Going to the toilet is a very natural thing to do, so we treat it as such. When children have wet or soiled their underpants or diapers, we show them the dirty pair of underpants or diaper and where it should go. When appropriate we may even deposit feces from their underwear or diaper into the toilet. Children very quickly begin to associate and understand the process. Even when they begin to use the toilet successfully, we avoid clapping and celebrating and instead stick to the facts. 


Useful phrases:

“Everyone poops!” 

“Pee and poop go into the toilet.” 

“It’s time to try sitting on the toilet.”

“Your underpants are wet. Let’s change into some dry underpants. Do you remember where to find your dry underpants in the bathroom?” 

“Look, there’s some pee on the floor. Please bring me the clean-up bucket from the bathroom so that we can dry the puddle.” 

 


Keep it Light and Friendly 


Children are very sensitive to adults’ emotions, even when we try not to show them! Thus we make sure to have a positive, light, and friendly attitude toward the toileting process. Our approach helps children feel comfortable with their normal bodily processes. So we make sure to avoid any facial expression, comment, or tone of voice that conveys disgust or dislike, frustration or impatience. We stay relaxed and positive, so children can feel that way too. 


Useful phrases:

“We can always change into dry clothes!” 

“Everyone used to wear diapers—even Mommy and Daddy! Now we can use the toilet. You can, too!” 

 


No Tricks or Treats 


We offer the toilet, but we never force children to sit on the toilet. We also avoid asking children if they would like to sit on the toilet. There is a happy middle in which we suggest that they sit on the toilet or let them know it is time to sit on the toilet. Ultimately, we trust that children will incorporate this part of daily life into their routine. Young children love the consistency of routines, so we ensure, from the very beginning, that toileting is a regular part of the day.


Bribing, reward charts, and punishments may have short-term results, but do not work for the long-term goal of helping children develop independence, self-assurance, and mastery of this essential part of their humanity. We allow children the time to be successful. Rather than scolding or over-congratulating, we know that children will learn through experience and feel proud of their accomplishments.


Useful phrases:

“It’s time to sit on the toilet.”

“You peed in the toilet. You did it all by yourself.”

 


Respect the Process


Often when adults change children it is all done so quickly that children aren’t even aware of their bodily functions. Rather than rushing, we take time to explain what is happening and offer opportunities for collaboration. 


It’s showing the utmost respect to children when we help them learn how to do something for themselves. When children able to respond to their body’s needs, they are one step closer to being fully functioning, independent young people.

Independence: Let Them Struggle

By Katherin Castro Hoyos, Lead Toddler Guide • October 22, 2026
In the Montessori environment, we talk a lot about independence. But how does independence actually develop? How can we, as adults, support a child on this path? One of the first steps toward independence begins with movement. As the child starts to separate from the caregiver physically —moving, crawling, walking, reaching, and exploring— they begin to discover something profound: I can do things by myself. I can reach for something without being carried there. I can move toward what interests me. I can try. But before children can become independent, they depend on us. And the way we relate to them during this period of dependence makes a difference in their journey toward independence. From Doing For the Child to Doing With the Child At the beginning, especially in a toddler classroom, we do things with the child, not for the child. We guide them through each step. We show them how to push their pants down, where to place the diaper when it is wet, how to get water from the sink into a pitcher and how to pour the water, how to touch others gently, how to ask for a hug, and how to respect and accept it when someone does not want a hug. Sometimes we show them once and sometimes we show them what feels like an innumerable number of times! And then, they start doing it by themselves. Isn't this amazing? This is the growth of independence, and alongside independence grows something equally important: self-confidence. Independence Does Not Mean Doing Everything Alone At the same time, being independent does not mean that we no longer need other people. Human beings are interdependent. We rely on one another, learn from one another, and grow through our relationships with one another. Needing someone does not mean that we are incapable. This is one of the beautiful things about the mixed-age Montessori environment. The teachers are not the only ones showing children how to do things. When a child has mastered a skill, we can invite that child to show another child who has not yet mastered it. “Can you show Eli how to clean his nose?” The child will happily help. In that simple interaction, one child is learning a new skill, while the other is experiencing what it feels like to contribute and share knowledge. Both children are growing. This is interdependence: I can do things for myself, and I can also be part of something bigger than myself. Let Them Struggle If we want independence to develop, the child needs opportunities to struggle. Let them struggle when they are trying to put on their socks. Let them attempt to pour the water even when some of it spills. This can be difficult for us as adults because sometimes it is much easier and faster to simply do it for them. We can see the sock is inside out and we know exactly what needs to happen next. But if we always step in before the child has had the opportunity to try, we may unintentionally communicate: You need me to do this for you. Instead, we can practice patience, staying close, observing and offering just enough help for the child to continue. This does not mean leaving a child alone with frustration. It means staying with them without taking over. Sometimes the right amount of help might be showing the movement slowly. We can exaggerate the movement so the child can clearly observe it and begin to internalize it. Sometimes it might be holding the sock open while allowing the child to put their foot inside. Sometimes it might simply be saying, “You can do it. Keep trying.” The Gift of Trying Again Frustration is not necessarily something we need to rescue children from. It is a feeling they can experience, move through, and learn from —with the presence of a supportive adult. When we allow children to experience the difficulty of something while communicating, “I know you can do this”, we give them an opportunity to discover their own competence. And when they finally succeed, no one can take that experience away from them. They have learned something much bigger than how to put on a sock. They have learned: Something can be hard, and I can keep trying. I can ask for help when I need it. I can try again. These experiences become part of the child's developing sense of self. They begin to internalize a sense of competence that will stay with them long after the sock. Independence comes through interdependence, and the beauty of childhood —and of being human— is found in this ongoing dance of holding and letting go, over and over again.

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